Happy New Years

Happy New Years

A Few Quick Thoughts for Those Traveling by Plane

Air travel has always been a deeply spiritual, almost meditative experience for me.  Sure, I hate weather delays and TSA sexual assault protocols as much as everyone else, but there is no better place to reassess your life than trapped in an aluminum tube at thirty six thousand feet with people you wouldn't hire to scrape gum off the sidewalk.  In addition to the personal "wakeup call" benefits of flying, nothing brings out the warm, jubilant spirit of mankind faster than being herded like sheep to an area where they will be photographed naked and groped . . . fa la la la la . . . 

Anyways, since over the next few days so many people are going to be grinding the enamel off of their teeth, making fists so tight their nails break the skin, and praying to their dear and fluffy lord that they can maintain their wits long enough to avoid bitch slapping a skycap, I thought I'd toss out a few quick airline videos.

First, the good: German passengers (that's right, the Germans have picked up the baton of personal liberties) are protesting backscatter body scanners with nude demonstrations in airports.  Two thoughts here:  First off, I wasn't there for the sixties, but from what I understand this naked photographs of children in airports  bullshit would never have gone down.  What the hell happened America?  And secondly, you will NEVER be safe.  If you have any doubts about that, read Phil Plait's "Death From the Skies" You could die at any instant for absolutely no reason; if that thought makes you uncomfortable, tough; life is going to kill you.  To this day, death is batting a thousand; relinquishing the sanctity of your own body to feel a bit safer is not only a sprint towards fascism, it's ineffectual.  You are way more likely to die in your car on the way to the airport, or swimming at your destination, or from the saturated fat in the shitty airline food than you are to ever have an issue with violence on a plane.  9-11 scared all of us, but it's time we regrow our collective pair and get on with our lives.

What a strange happenstance that the cameraman chose to focus on the toned woman in her twenties . . .

Now for the bad news: In what I can only assume is a meta-protest against the Russian school system, passengers stranded at a Moscow airport due to weather conditions have started to angrily drum and pound in protest.  At the writing of this post, there has been no response from "weather," but the demonstrators are hopeful that it will acquiesce to at least some of their demands.  Exactly why the Russian demonstrators are so eager to board jets with iced up wings and taxi down skating-rinkesque runways is uncertain, but I think we can all relate to being willing to plummet from the sky rather than eat one more god damn Wetzel's Pretzel. 

A Few Thoughts on Christmas

Garfield had his shit together, none of that sanctimonious Linus bullshit.  Have a great day guys!!!

Merry Christmas Everyone Tim Minchin - White Wine in the Sun

Undeniably my favorite Christmas song.  Tim Minchin embodies skepticism and reason better than most of us, and he manages to completely sum up why I love the holiday; he's gotten rid of the bad without losing the good; skeptics take note.  Have a great day everyone.

The Pogues & Kirsty McColl Fairytale Of New York

Alright! That's it! Nominations are officially closed for my Christmas songs list, no fucking clue where all of you were a week ago when I was struggling.  Credit for this one goes to a buddy of mine, but I'm pretty sure he found it on the Nerdist or some other aggregator, so not 100% sure where the credit lies, he doesn't have a blog so I'll just tell you once again to read the Nerdist.

By the way, if you are into Irish rock, the Pogues are a great band to check out (though I was almost forced to disqualify them from my Ipod because of their association with that awful Hilary Swank movie, "P.S. I Love You," the girl I was dating forced me to see it for her birthday and in retrospect I should have just dumped her on the spot, I won't be seeing that movie again if it's playing in my eyelids)



BTW, Best line:  "You scumbag you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot"

Newsong Christmas Shoes (With Critique by Patton Oswalt)

So, I meant for Tim Minchin's "White Wine in the Sun" to round up my Christmas selections; it is by far my favorite Christmas song, by one of my favorite performers.

But, as always happens, I stumbled across something too amazing to skip.  If you are Christian or deeply unlucky, odds are you are familiar with "Christmas Shoes" by the band Newsong.

Newsong does something I like to call "sucking in the name of the lord," which is my term for this weird idea that Christians have that it doesn't matter at what skill level you can perform, so long as you are trying to praise Jesus (though, I find it telling that it's how they pick their pop bands but not how they pick their heart surgeons, Jesus is important and all, right up until the point where someone needs to inflate a balloon in your arteries).

Anyways, Newsong delivers on the trope in spades: hack lyrics, incompetent musicianship, but damned if they don't say Jesus every eight bars.

The reason this song wasn't going to make the cut was that I couldn't seem to find a good video of the Patton Oswalt bit on the song, and without that I would just be left with the diseased rantings of a syphilitic mind that is "Christmas Shoes," and I hope you all trust me enough to know that I would never NEVER do that to you.  But, when a reader came through and found an animated version of Patton Oswalts Christmas shoes that wasn't available last time I looked, I couldn't resist, so without further adieu "Christmas Shoes," followed by the commentary of a man funnier than I will ever be, "Patton Oswalt." (oh, and if you love this song, or find mocking deeply spiritual people offensive, what the hell are you doing reading my blog?)

I recommend checking out about 30 seconds of this so you get the gist only if you haven't heard it.

A Garfield Christmas

This is really just a present for me =)  I defy anyone not to get choked up when Odie gives Garfield his present.  Oh, and don't worry everyone, I'll be back to my science based, nerd powered sarcasm in three days.

Space Station Sighting Opportunities

So checking out the lunar eclipse last night reminded me of this very cool site someone turned me on to a few months back.  Because the space station's orbit is only 173 to 286 miles above sea level, it is visible every couple of days from earth, and Nasa has put up a sighting opportunity calculator to help you know when and where in the sky it is visible from your location.  It's a very cool chance to see one of the most impressive feats of engineering in human history.  Sightings are easiest on moonless nights and when the space station is closest to directly overhead, and it looks like a slowish shooting star.  Good luck, and keep watching the skies (I know, I'm a hack)

Oh, BTW, NASA puts out a free downloadable calendar every year with images from and of the space station, you can check out the PDF here, and even download it in HD resolution.  If the HD is rough because of the speed of your net, you can get the link to the non HD version here. 

Google Ngram Viewer

Google, in their drive to take me from "marginally unproductive" to "inanimate pile of goo" has released yet another awesome time waster: the "Ngram Viewer."  Using the Ngram Viewer you can search the database at Google Books to see the prevalence of different words in the human library in various languages.  For instance, I used it to search "Science" and "Religion" (good news, science has passed up religion, but we were getting our asses handed to us for a while).

Here is another one comparing "Faith with Evidence" (awesome news on that front as well)

Check it out, and if you find something cool be sure to let us know about it in the comments section.

Credit goes to CSURaven for letting me know about it.

Lunar Eclipse

My guess is most of my readers have heard about this, it would be sort of hard to miss even if you weren't into science news, but there is going to be a lunar eclipse tonight (or tomorrow morning depending on how you want to think about it).

As we all know, the lunar eclipse happens when we have angered or displeased the Moon God in some way.  If we want to survive into the new year, I recommend blood sacrifices, drinking sacramental wine out of a goat skin bag, and orgies.  But, since that advice just makes good sense most nights anyways, I'm probably preaching to the choir.

The eclipse should reach totality at 2:41ish EST, and last about 72 minutes.  For more information, check out this link.

Dr Who Christmas Song

I'm still in love with Karen Gillan, even if she is as tone deaf as my newfoundland.

Sheryl Crow & Eric Clapton - Merry Christmas Baby

You have no idea how big a pain in the ass this was to get, couldn't find the video with decent sound, so I eventually decided to strip the sound off and put the CD audio in it.  If it doesn't line up perfectly, you spend your afternoon fixing it =P  I've decided it's good enough!

So, in the spirit of doing a half assed job, here is Eric Clapton and Sheryl Crow with Merry Christmas Baby

South Park Christmas Songs

It's a very South Park Christmas

Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics
Tags: SOUTH
PARKmore...

What you think the joke is here says A LOT about you:

Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics
Tags: SOUTH
PARKmore...

B.B. King & John Popper - Back Door Santa

This is my favorite version of the Clarence Carter track.  If this doesn't get you in the Christmas spirit, nothing will.

Pope Leers at Half Naked Men

It's almost like they're in on the joke at this point:



I've seen gay porn straighter than that

Via PZ Myers over at phrayngula 

Will Vinton - Claymation Christmas

Thought I would get all the Carol of the Bells ones out of the way in one day:



BTW, if you haven't seen Will Vinton's Claymation Christmas, it's one of my favorites.

Nobody Does Christmas Like the Muppets

(Pretty sure I had this one up here before, but I don't want the reader who can't watch this twice)

Weird Al Christmas Songs

Weird Al gets a bad wrap, but if I hear one more alt comedy loving, UCB worshiping, Largo going, indie comedy fan bash him, there is going to be hell to pay.  Sure, some of his stuff seems dated, when you're in year thirty of your comedy career lets see how your early stuff stacks up.  Anyways, here are two classic Christmas songs from the accordion slinging one himself: Weird Al Yankovic.

(oh, and "Christmas at Ground Zero" predates 9-11 by about 15 years , so I don't want to hear it)

Enjoy:

Minnesota Metrodome Collapse

In their defense, what kind of prophet could have predicted snow in Minnesota?

Steve Martin Holiday Wish

At least he starts out on a good note, that is better than I would do.

The California Raisins - Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

That's that good ol' time family racism =) but I can't help but love it.



On a subnote, I've always loved that the other reindeer suddenly accepted Rudolph when he could help them.  Remember children, there's nothing wrong with bigotry . . . unless the person can assist you in some way.

Bonus Factoid:  Did you know Canadians sing "like Wayne Gretzky after the "you'll go down in hist-o-ry" part?  Canada, shit like that is why you are never going to get to be the fifty-first state.

Jonathan Couton - Chiron Beta Prime

Let's face it, Christmas music is unfathomably bad, and if you are lucky enough to be working retail this time of year it's probably on an 8 hour loop.  So, in the spirit of the holidays, I'll be posting a few Christmas songs that don't suck.  To kick things off, here's Jonathan Coulton with Chiron Beta Prime:

I've Never Seen Something Make More Sense - Norwegian Celebrity Lip Sync Vidio

World's Biggest Stars Lip Dub Let It Be - watch more funny videos

Bonus irony points to them for including Fab Morvan from Milli Vanilli 

Leaked Craig Ferguson Dr Who Cold Open

This was pulled from a recent Late Show recently because apparently Craig didn't have the rights to the music.  But, fortunately for us, someone over there knows how to use YouTube (I'm looking at you Mr, Ferguson).



Quick thought:  Why is Matt Smith wearing a cleavage shirt?

Via the Nerdist